Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Mailboxes, Rawhides and Basements

I'd like to say things have been interesting lately, but that'd be a fib. It's been really boring, overall. Cold and snowy and dull. Sometimes we're inside, sometimes we're out, sometimes we want one but have the other. We've had some nummy snacks - let me say for the record that a ham-shank bone is a most awesome thing - but, mostly we've just been doing the same old, same old thing, just like everyone else.

Yesterday, though, there was a little fun. I got to go out and get the mail with TheLady. Stewie had to stay inside - ha! - because he'd take off. I, though, come when I'm called so I get little 'let's go out the front door without a leash!' treats once in a while. Which are awesome!

Anyway, I was sooooo excited that I bolted out the door and slid clear across the porch until I crashed into the railing. Then I scrambled down the steps and tumbled into the bushes. Up I leapt, only to crash again into the snow and to the sidewalk. I laid there, all happy and excited, while TheLady petted me and called me a goofylab. I dunno what a goofylab is, but she says that a lot. I got up and bounded though the poofy, untrampled snow and had a blast while she walked to the mailbox. It's great to get the mail!

Then, later, after she and the HumanPuppy were gone for a while, TheLady brought me and Stewie back some special treats. They were beefy bones wrapped in rawhide and oh my dog, they were yummy! Stewie loved his so much he rolled on it and just grinned! I mostly chewed mine, until Stewie stole it. Then I stole his. And he stole it back. And we wrestled. Wresting's fun!

And then, today, I went into the basement. Stewie gets in trouble down there - he eats the cats food and their poops out of the litter box - and I did NOT want to go. I hate getting in trouble. but TheLady carried me down there and I got to sniff everything, and it wasn't bad at all. Just gotta stay away from the cat food.

All in all, it's been a pretty good couple of days.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


There's snow all the time now, and it's just not as fun anymore. I go out to do my business and want right back in, but sometimes we don't get to come right back in because the humans are napping - what? we can't hang out inside if they're asleep? - or because the little teeny kitty needs to eat. Privately.

I know she's been sick and all, but, jeesh! It's not like we'd want to eat her stupid cat food. I mean, well, we DO, but we'd get in trouble and I really don't want to get in trouble, especially over something as stupid as a little cat food. The Beagle, though, he's always trying to sneak over and get some of whatever he's not supposed to. I'm good, but still we both get put out in the snow. Just so the sick little kitty can eat.

And it's just boring. Boring and cold. Even in the house. And there's nothing to do inside anyway but lay around chewing rawhide things or napping. And, as always, watching the Beagle get in trouble which, of course, means we both go outside in the snow. TheLady tries to play ball with us sometimes, but the Beagle runs off with it and won't give it back. So we're bored.


Wish I could have some canned cat food. It smells fantastic!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Cheese RULES!

I thought about writing that title like it was a LOL cat thing, but I'm not a cat.

Today, the humans packed EVERY ONE of the cats in a weird little cage with a handle on top and took them away for a while. Something about they needed medicine. I heard the humans talking about how we - meaning us dogs - needed our medicine too, but, TheLady just gave me and the beagle each a wad of cheese. Which was VERY yummy, even if it did have a sort of odd, bitter after taste to it.

I was extra super duper special good ALL DAY but she wouldn't give me any more cheese. What's a dog gotta do to get some cheesy treats around here?

Not poop on the floor, that's part of it, because the beagle pooped on the rug AGAIN and that meant we had to go outside where it was like snowing and raining and was cold and ucky. It wasn't ME, I swear! I'm not that stupid and I like being warm. The beagle, tho, he has a bad attitude sometimes, whatever that means. But we were back in before too long, and sleeping on the couch, and for supper the humans had something called Alfredo - all I know is that it tastes like CHEESE!!! Yummy! - then back outside to play in the super-duper fluffy POOF! snow! And biscuits because I'm a good dog and poop outside.

Still want more cheese, though.

Friday, December 5, 2008

A visit from the TV Lady

So. Like. Yesterday. TheLady and Bearded One were kinda moping around the house because the TV thing was broken. They really don't watch it much - it's great when they do, at least when just one of them does, because I get to lay of the couch and CUDDLE!!! - so I didn't understand why they'd be grumbly about it. The Beagle said to just watch, we'd get in trouble for it, whatever it was.

And he was right!

See, this lady with a tool-belt came, with a box - boxes rule! - and she did some stuff in the cabinet, things we weren't allowed to touch, even though the wires and plastic bags and papers and things were all so very interesting. In fact TheLady put me and the beagle outside just so we wouldn't get into trouble.

By the way, did the CATS have to go outside? No. And the littlest one sat IN the box and jumped all over the tool-belt lady and played with the papers and plastic bags and everything and did she get in trouble? NO. Everyone kept saying how cute she was. Dang cats, it's so unfair.

Anyway, we were outside a while and the tool-belt lady and Bearded One came outside and climbed up on the garage to look at the big round thingy up there, which was apparently okay. So then we were let out of our part of the back yard - the humans call it Fort Stewie, how stupid is that? Don't they realize I'm in there too?? - and wouldn't you know it, we got in trouble, just like Stewie said we would.

Why, you ask? Well there was this rubbery wire thing that came up from the ground and poked into the house and, the afternoon before, Stewie suggested that it might be tasty. And it was, until I got a good gnaw going then it kinda bit me in the mouth, made it all tingly-scratchy-yeeouch! But Bearded One and the lady with the tool-belt were some upset with us. So TheLady brought us inside and there was a lot of banging and clanging outside - and the dang little cat playing in the papers and boxes we dogs weren't allowed to touch, isn't she cute? Yeah, cute enough to get stepped on, little snot - and TheLady was very, very grumpy with us.

But whatever needed to be banged and clanged got done and the tool-belt lady got the TV working again, and Bearded One just shook his head at us and everything was okay.

We were extra special good the rest of the day, though, and today we got leftover pork roast! Which ROCKS!!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Getting in trouble sucks

The two humans I live with apparently created a puppy some time ago and she's been here, visiting, for the past few days. It's all VERY exciting, someone new to play with and lick and all that fun stuff, but I get so excited that I forget to, well, do all the things the humans expect me to do. Like tell them when I need to go potty. Or not chew up furniture.

But it's HARD when the human puppy is here, she's such fun. Even when she tells me to 'Go downstairs!' or 'Stop licking me!', I just can't help myself.

I forget. That's all.

The Lady doesn't seem to understand so I've been spending a lot of time outside and she tells me to 'Tear things up out there, dang dawg!'

That doesn't seem very fair.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Five. Cats.

A couple of nights ago, TheLady snuck out the back door with a bowl of cat food - incredibly yummy stuff, btw, you should try it - and after a bit she came back in with a fifth cat.

This feline interloper is all white and meows a lot. He also fights with the original cats. I've only seen him once, since he's mostly been hiding in the basement and I don't like to go down there. That's cat territory.

They get to - can you believe this? - potty in a box full of stinky sand. I have to potty outside. In the cold. Which isn't so bad, but have you ever squatted to take a dump in the snow? Let me assure you, cold butts are not fun. And their food dish is filled whenever TheLady or The Bearded One notice that it's empty, day or night. My food dish - thanks to the beagle who can't hold his bladder or bowels more than a few moments after he gets the urge - gets put up every night before The Bearded One goes to work. I can't nosh all night, but that cats sure do.

They get to sleep on the humans' bed. They get full run of the house - us dogs aren't supposed to go upstairs without supervision because the beagle - again, good God, will I always be marginalized and restricted because of him?? - might pee on the carpet. TheLady assures me that she doesn't worry about me tearing things up or peeing in bad places, just Stewie.

The cats get carried around and talked to and their tummies tickled and whenever they flop on the floor and show their bellies they get petted. I show my belly all the freaking time and how often does it get scratched? Maybe twice a day.

Damn cats think they're special. If they're so special, why are they fighting with the new guy instead of just making him part of the kitty klan? Us dogs would figure out who's in charge in mere minutes yet he's been here since Friday.

At least cats are fun to chase. That's their one redeeming quality.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


The cats have been muttering about something called 'snow' for a while now. Every time they go outside and it's cold they come back in and say - sadly - that there'll be snow soon.

I was worried, ya know? They made it sound like such a bad thing. Terrible. Like a bath or something.

Well, let me tell you, snow's AWESOME! It's cold and fluffy and white and covers everything and POOF! every time I jump into it and it just plain rocks.

Cats are stupid.

Friday, November 21, 2008


Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Nothing fun to chew, just plain old boring rawhides. It's too cold to play outside and we get in trouble for chasing cats.

Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Stewie got in trouble!

He snuck downstairs to the basement and ate the cat's food. While The Lady was in the kitchen. She heard, she yelled, and Stewie was Put Outside.

And it's cold out there.

You know, if he'd have waited until she went to bed, he wouldn't have gotten caught.

Chicken Pot Pie

Yummy stuff, that pot pie. The Beagle tried to hog it all, but I pushed him out of the way. This getting big thing is kinda cool, I must say.

Chewing. A dog's gotta do it.

There's a great big chewy thing - the humans call it a love seat - that tastes soooooo good. But I'm not supposed to chew on it. The rawhide strips and 'toys' and bones get boring. Why cant she understand that? And the rug? I heard her tell Bearded One that it just cost a dollar - I don't think that's much - but still I get in trouble for gnawing on it.

But it's soft yet bouncy, and shreds so well. There's a lot of satisfaction in chewing on something that shreds. And the love seat thing... just wow!

Makes rawhide strips seem dull.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I love it when...

There's a baking pan thing, and she puts it down on the floor for us to clean up. Tonight was chicken tomato cheesy stuff. And it was really yummy.

I'm gonna lick her for a while, and nap on the couch!

So. Like. Today.

The Lady and Bearded One went out for a walk without US! Stewie and I were stuck out back and the humans up and walked out the front! Can you believe that crap? Don't they know we like going for walks?

Sure, it was supposedly just to the post office a couple of blocks away, but that's not the point. How else are Stewie and I supposed to check in with the other dogs if we never get out of the yard? Maybe he's right, maybe we should try to escape, but, crap, he's escaped several times and always comes back. If we're gonna come back maybe we should just stay?

I'm not very confrontational, I guess. I like to cuddle and lick things and be everyone's buddy. The beagle's just a bad influence. Everyone says so.

But, get this, the humans came back with ANOTHER DOG. Some little fluffy white bit of nothing who kept talking smack. To ME! One deep breath and I'd have inhaled him.

The Lady said he was lost and after a while she left with him and came back alone, so I guess it's okay, but, dang. I didn't get to go for that walk either!

I really want to go for a walk.