Saturday, November 29, 2008

Getting in trouble sucks

The two humans I live with apparently created a puppy some time ago and she's been here, visiting, for the past few days. It's all VERY exciting, someone new to play with and lick and all that fun stuff, but I get so excited that I forget to, well, do all the things the humans expect me to do. Like tell them when I need to go potty. Or not chew up furniture.

But it's HARD when the human puppy is here, she's such fun. Even when she tells me to 'Go downstairs!' or 'Stop licking me!', I just can't help myself.

I forget. That's all.

The Lady doesn't seem to understand so I've been spending a lot of time outside and she tells me to 'Tear things up out there, dang dawg!'

That doesn't seem very fair.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Five. Cats.

A couple of nights ago, TheLady snuck out the back door with a bowl of cat food - incredibly yummy stuff, btw, you should try it - and after a bit she came back in with a fifth cat.

This feline interloper is all white and meows a lot. He also fights with the original cats. I've only seen him once, since he's mostly been hiding in the basement and I don't like to go down there. That's cat territory.

They get to - can you believe this? - potty in a box full of stinky sand. I have to potty outside. In the cold. Which isn't so bad, but have you ever squatted to take a dump in the snow? Let me assure you, cold butts are not fun. And their food dish is filled whenever TheLady or The Bearded One notice that it's empty, day or night. My food dish - thanks to the beagle who can't hold his bladder or bowels more than a few moments after he gets the urge - gets put up every night before The Bearded One goes to work. I can't nosh all night, but that cats sure do.

They get to sleep on the humans' bed. They get full run of the house - us dogs aren't supposed to go upstairs without supervision because the beagle - again, good God, will I always be marginalized and restricted because of him?? - might pee on the carpet. TheLady assures me that she doesn't worry about me tearing things up or peeing in bad places, just Stewie.

The cats get carried around and talked to and their tummies tickled and whenever they flop on the floor and show their bellies they get petted. I show my belly all the freaking time and how often does it get scratched? Maybe twice a day.

Damn cats think they're special. If they're so special, why are they fighting with the new guy instead of just making him part of the kitty klan? Us dogs would figure out who's in charge in mere minutes yet he's been here since Friday.

At least cats are fun to chase. That's their one redeeming quality.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


The cats have been muttering about something called 'snow' for a while now. Every time they go outside and it's cold they come back in and say - sadly - that there'll be snow soon.

I was worried, ya know? They made it sound like such a bad thing. Terrible. Like a bath or something.

Well, let me tell you, snow's AWESOME! It's cold and fluffy and white and covers everything and POOF! every time I jump into it and it just plain rocks.

Cats are stupid.

Friday, November 21, 2008


Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Nothing fun to chew, just plain old boring rawhides. It's too cold to play outside and we get in trouble for chasing cats.

Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Stewie got in trouble!

He snuck downstairs to the basement and ate the cat's food. While The Lady was in the kitchen. She heard, she yelled, and Stewie was Put Outside.

And it's cold out there.

You know, if he'd have waited until she went to bed, he wouldn't have gotten caught.

Chicken Pot Pie

Yummy stuff, that pot pie. The Beagle tried to hog it all, but I pushed him out of the way. This getting big thing is kinda cool, I must say.

Chewing. A dog's gotta do it.

There's a great big chewy thing - the humans call it a love seat - that tastes soooooo good. But I'm not supposed to chew on it. The rawhide strips and 'toys' and bones get boring. Why cant she understand that? And the rug? I heard her tell Bearded One that it just cost a dollar - I don't think that's much - but still I get in trouble for gnawing on it.

But it's soft yet bouncy, and shreds so well. There's a lot of satisfaction in chewing on something that shreds. And the love seat thing... just wow!

Makes rawhide strips seem dull.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I love it when...

There's a baking pan thing, and she puts it down on the floor for us to clean up. Tonight was chicken tomato cheesy stuff. And it was really yummy.

I'm gonna lick her for a while, and nap on the couch!

So. Like. Today.

The Lady and Bearded One went out for a walk without US! Stewie and I were stuck out back and the humans up and walked out the front! Can you believe that crap? Don't they know we like going for walks?

Sure, it was supposedly just to the post office a couple of blocks away, but that's not the point. How else are Stewie and I supposed to check in with the other dogs if we never get out of the yard? Maybe he's right, maybe we should try to escape, but, crap, he's escaped several times and always comes back. If we're gonna come back maybe we should just stay?

I'm not very confrontational, I guess. I like to cuddle and lick things and be everyone's buddy. The beagle's just a bad influence. Everyone says so.

But, get this, the humans came back with ANOTHER DOG. Some little fluffy white bit of nothing who kept talking smack. To ME! One deep breath and I'd have inhaled him.

The Lady said he was lost and after a while she left with him and came back alone, so I guess it's okay, but, dang. I didn't get to go for that walk either!

I really want to go for a walk.